There are no words...

First off, let me start by saying I'd been seeing a guy for the past few months. Yes, past tense.

Let's start with first impressions.

Met on that fishing site, he sent me a message. He seemed nice but his picture was......

Yeah, that sounds about right.

It was a picture of him at work, I assumed. Anyhoo, my friend encouraged me to give him a chance. I was like, well it can't hurt. Oh I regret that now. But, I did anyways.  He asked me out that day, we went out that Thursday and it was....weird.

He showed up late, and then called me for directions. Then when I got out of my car he seemed like he was too eager to touch me. I was like, hmm...I don't know you. I also thought he had a speech impediment, turns out I just made him nervous because it disappeared once he'd had some beer.

Anyhoo, by the end of the night he was holding my hand, and had me in a hug and was giving me serious let me kiss you vibes. I was like, hmm...nope.

I got home and didn't really feel any strong vibes in either direction.  He wanted to see me again, so I was like, well no reason to say no, OK.  This happened a couple more times. We went to such romantic locations as a Taco Stand!

Not the actual stand, imagine it, scarier, at night and on the bad side of town.

I kid you not, I saw like 5 police cars drive by that night. Magical! And then he stepped it up a notch and took me to...

It's like Disneyland!

That's right. Jim's! All we ever had was hot chocolate.  Why did I put up with this? I have no idea. He seemed nice, he held my hands, he was sweet and seemed interested in me. Hahaha, I fell for it.

I tried to get him into my type of activities. So we went to the art museum. We were there for less than 30 minutes because he was bored. I was disappointed. 

Yeah it felt like this.

Finally, he came over to my house and that was fun. He also gave me his Blackhawks Jersey. He'd gotten it at 16. He'd had it for 18 years and just gave it to me because I'd once mentioned that my favorite hockey team was the Chicago Blackhawks. It was beyond sweet. Ok, I'm feeling better about him then. Somewhat. 

After a few more of these times hanging out (he never called it a date), we agreed we'd only see each other.

It was good, I thought. I had someone I could see myself getting to enjoy spending time with. We talked about taking trips together, getting out of San Antonio. I finally had a boyfriend!

Shake it!

But what I began to notice is, he stopped asking about me. He stopped telling me about himself, and he stopped making plans for the future. I finally picked up the signals and felt apprehensive.

It's still all good right?

I'm a very emotional and sensitive person. When this started to happen, I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't start texting him all the time or calling, I just worried alone. That's not good, he's supposed to be the person I lean on.

So then Christmas Eve, we meet up, he's an hour and a half late. Mind you, he's on break from school having already graduated and doesn't have a full time job. When I bring it up, he's like I was only 20 minutes late. And when I remind him of the earlier time (that he had agreed to) he's like, oh that wasn't going to happen. And then laughs it off, hoping his gift of chocolates is enough to "smooth things over."

It's not. I text him later about it after I've been at work all day, and accidentally send a breakup message with it. UGH! 

I tried to backtrack and realizing that it is Christmas Eve and unlike me, he might actually be spending time with his family, I wish him a Merry Christmas. No reply.

Umm...okay?

Christmas Day I'm really feeling tense because he hasn't sent me anything. This is someone I've texted everyday since that very first day we exchanged numbers. So I think, I'm over-thinking it - let me send a Christmas text.  I do, he replies. OK, I feel a bit better.

Ahhh...

I send another text asking if he wants some of my family's tamales. He declines. OK! I sent a few more texts after that, just to check in. No reply. 

Eww...but yeah.

I wait on Thursday - nothing. I decide that on Friday, I'll call. He obviously won't reply to texts.  He answers, I apologize....He says OK. I ask if he's upset with me, he says he's not upset with me. I ask if we're good and he says we're all good. Then he's like I'm really busy I have to go and hangs up. Doesn't really wait for me to reply but I slip an OK in there. That call lasted 51 seconds.

I take him at his word, and I feel a little bit of the tension ease. 

I got nothing all weekend, all the while this slowly building realization grows. He's done with me. I don't know why or how I know, but I know this. And I'm terribly sad. I've talked to my friends and they're all saying give him some time. I read articles and they all say the same. OK, I'll give it some time.

Monday morning, today as a matter of fact, I text him to call me after 7 tonight. He says he might be busy, but asks what's up. My friends advised me to act as if nothing was wrong and just reconnect. So I reply with asking him if he wants to hang out on New Year's Eve.

I mean, we're technically only seeing each other? That's what we'd been doing right? We're a couple by technical definition, New Year's Eve is when we should be together.

Exactly like this!

His reply: No thanks.

No gif for that one.  The picture is getting clearer but I need to know. So I text back, Is this over? Do you never want to see me again? 

He replies with: I think we should part ways. I wish you the best.

Yeah, text breakup.  I ask him if he wants his jersey back because really? You think I want to keep that reminder? He says no it was for me, but he doesn't care what I do with it.  I have no other words, and I reply with: It was great knowing you. I wish you the best.

He replies with some similar bullshit and it's done. I get out of my car and walk into work.  

When on the inside I was like: 

I still feel this way.

I want to end this to say that I thought he was different. He'd just gotten his Master's in Special Education and was preparing to teach Special Ed students.  I thought, if he has patience like that, surely he's an angel and will have patience with me. He'd told me about so many great things he'd done, the places he'd traveled. I was excited, I had hopes and dreams and he was starting to be a part of them.

In the end, he was a coward. Not even man enough to step up and tell me it was over until I asked him about it, until I made it a point. No, he wanted to give me vague answer, hoping I'd get a clue so he could still seem like he was a nice guy. 

He wasn't.  He isn't a nice guy.  His name is Danny. He's an asshole. I have one last message for him.

Eat shit and die.

I deserved better than this.

Forgive the over usage of gifs and images. This is not at all something I treat lightly, but I've cried so much these past few days that I'm tired of it. I'm giving myself this shot to recover and laugh over what happened, because one day I will laugh.  But for now, the pain is fresh. 

Thanks for reading and know, that if we're ever in a relationship. I won't be silent about how things are and how I feel, and if you show me a modicum of kindness and friendship, I will be your friend forever and you will be in my heart forever.

I hope to God nobody ever does this to you.

Del